Happy Mother's Day! (Now Leave Me Alone)

Dear Children (and their father),

I know you all love me, as you frequently tell me and write so sweetly in the handmade mother’s day cards that I receive each year.  It’s not that I don’t appreciate your efforts…I really do!  It’s just that I have a new idea for our celebration this year and I thought I’d throw it past you to see what you all think.

You know how every Mother’s Day before church, you each tell me “Happy Mother’s Day!” somewhere in-between my badgering one of you to PLEASE go find some clean socks and put them on and I ask the other to stop shoveling handfuls of Apple Jacks into your mouth while standing in front of the cabinet (would it kill ya to use a bowl?), while I continually nag the third slowpoke to brush your hair so no one mistakes you for someone in need of a homeless shelter?  Yeah, THAT Mother’s Day morning.  Not that any of us can differentiate the Mother’s Days in my life.  Well, except that many years ago, my mornings revolved around changing diapers and giving bottles and sippie cups and getting you all dressed in some semi-respectable form and hoping we could be out the door for church before someone needed another round of diapers/bottles/sippie cups/clothes.  I guess somewhere in there, I was supposed to be getting dressed and eating breakfast and putting on make up.  But, I eventually got used to eating a cheese stick en route to church and having my “morning coffee” sometime after I fed everyone lunch and got the youngest down for naptime.

Where was I??  Oh yes!  My new idea!

Now perhaps it’s just that I’m feeling worn down like old carpeting that spurred me on to my brilliant plan.  Or it’s that I finally realized that with the exception of being handed your beautiful cards and sometimes going out to lunch, Mother’s Day was kinda feeling like most any other day.  Although, when you were all younger, I think it was MORE work for me (and you too, dear) to take the three of you out to eat.  You were always wonderful little eater-outers, but I still schlepped the loaded-diaper kiddo to the grimy, tray-in-the-wall changing station thingie, helped everyone pick out the perfect menu item that I knew you’d each love AND eat, cut everyone’s food, listened to the same knock-knock joke at least three times (since you each needed to give it a shot) and eventually ate a few bites of my (then cold) lunch, washed down with my luke-warm coffee.  Now that you’re all growing up so fast and have far more interesting/wonderful/funny friends than I can ever hope to be, it’s become a juggling act of schedules (and I play master-juggler) to make sure I see each of you on Mother’s Day.  Although I DO see you quite well from the metal bleachers as both of you boys usually have baseball tournaments on Mother’s Day weekend.  So, as I’m working fast and furiously on my farmer’s tan and numb butt, you’re right; I DO see you.  At the plate.  On the pitcher’s mound.  At first base.  At short stop.  That is, I see you boys when I’m not off looking to keep an eye on you, the baseball bored sister.  Or, accompanying you to the pervert-attracting bathrooms at the baseball field.  (At least I’m sure they are, based on a NightLine episode I saw once.)

Remember that Mother’s Day a few years ago when the weather was gross and I didn’t feel all that great?  And, I stayed in bed ALL DAY and watched TV and ate all my meals in bed and in front of the TV?  And, I shut the door so you all thought I was deathly ill, but remained conscience enough to watch really old movies (like“Sixteen Candles” and “The Breakfast Club”) on TV?  And it was WONDERFUL?!?!  Remember that?  It gave birth to my ingenious idea!

My amazing idea:

Could you all please leave me alone on Mother’s Day?

Like, after church, you guys all go do whatever you want to….but don’t include me.  Really, truly, honestly, I am NOT offended.  Maybe Dad can take you to a new movie, or on a really LONG walk, or out to lunch and dinner….or do all these ideas!  I wish you all could fully understand the sheer joy I would have by being given a few solid hours ALONE.  IN.  MY.  OWN.  HOME.  It’s better than a day at the spa!!!  I would crank my music (which, yes, you've all assured me is horrible, talentless noise compared to the gems of songs you guys love), sing as loud as I wanted to, eat popcorn for lunch, sit and stare at a wall for a bit (because I CAN) and even curl up with a good book.  And, you wouldn't KNOW I was sitting down with a good book, so none of you would HAVE to need me at that exact moment with some variety of a crisis.  Brilliant, huh?  I might even take myself to a coffee shop and instead of grabbing my coffee and leaving, I may become a sit-there-with-a-book woman.  AND, I may get a refill on my coffee if the book is especially captivating.  It’s almost downright deliciously scandalous.

Kids, I KNOW you’ll have fun with Dad.  And Sweetie, the kids really do crave more quality time with you considering all the long hours you put in.  Truly, we’re all getting the best of both worlds.  See!  I’m a great mom….still thinking of what’s best for all of you, even on Mother’s Day! :)  So, whaddya think?  Genius, huh?

Love you all a bunch and I hope you have an amazing time on your special day out together.

Love,
Mama

P.S.  And to anyone else who may find this letter and think, “This awful mother needs to appreciate what Mother’s Day means and be with her family all day!  Family is precious and this mother won’t know what she’s missing until one day it’s gone!”  Yes, I agree.  My family is amazingly precious and I love them dearly.  And, I’ve got 364 other days of the year to marinate in the constant preciousness of the job called “motherhood.”

What If.....I'm Prepared?

(I understand there is wide spread devastation throughout the Mid-West and the South from recent severe storms, and I do not intend to make light of those situations.  It is even more pressing to me that families begin to give serious thought to what could, should and would happen if they were part of any kind of disaster.  I hope that each family feels spurred on to have a plan for handling situations ranging from a minor inconvenience to a major tragedy and everything in-between.)


Did you know that you can subscribe to text alerts from ComEd?  You will be notified about power outages and can receive updates about restoration efforts.  And although I could write pages about the awful and out dated power infrastructure here in the south end of town, I’ll just say I have a healthy texting relationship with the power company.  As in, they almost qualify for the “friends and family” reduced texting rates.  Almost.

During a cold winter outage in February (I think someone sneezed near a transformer), I was chatting with a friend about keeping a home at a tolerable temperature during cold weather conditions and no power.  She admitted that she had no plan and no solid idea about what to do.  We discussed a few ideas about closing off the house and using the fireplace, how to keep the pipes from freezing (run both the hot and cold water at a very S-L-O-W drip, using one sink on each level of the house) and I told her about playing the “What If?” game.  My Mom made up this game, and I now play it with my own children.  It’s a creative thinking game, meant to spur conversation and spark ideas.  It goes something like this:

• WHAT IF we lost power for a day in the deep of winter?
• WHAT IF we lost power for four days in the hottest part of August?
• WHAT IF a pipe burst in the basement and it started to flood?
• WHAT IF I (mom) was lying on the floor, unresponsive?
• WHAT IF a micro burst (cousin to a tornado) ripped through our town and the tornado sirens were sounding?

In the past four years, every one of those “what if” questions became reality for my family.  And despite stress (and a touch of frantic hyperventilating), we had a workable plan for each scenario.  I’m not saying it was easy to deal with each situation, but it sure helped our family to have some kind of plan BEFORE it happened!

Consider a few more questions in the “What If?” game.

WHAT IF oil prices skyrocketed and gasoline DID get to $6 or $7 a gallon?  What car trips would be eliminated and how could I best combine all my running around into an organized, well thought out plan?  What would I do if there was a gasoline shortage?  Did you know that in 1974, the government printed, but did not distribute, five billion gasoline-rationing coupons?  http://www.postalmuseum.si.edu/museum/1d_gas_coupons.html

WHAT IF the economy got so bad that there was a run on the bank (a la George Bailey in It’s A Wonderful Life) and the ATM was all out of money?  (How sad is it that my kids used to think money only came from the “box at the bank”?!)  It’s really not a far-fetched idea considering a bank run happened in England only a few years ago.   What would I do if the power was out for an extended time and credit card readers didn’t work?  I am NOT suggesting putting your life savings under a mattress, but do you have any cash in reserves that you can access without going to the bank?

WHAT IF the power was out long enough to keep the grocery stores closed for days on end?  A week?  (What if the coffee shops were closed?? gasp!)  If the power outage was compounded by flooding and roads were impassable, what would I do?  How would I heat or cool my home?  Do I have any non-perishable food stored?  It may be time to start thinking in terms of camping and “roughing it” at home!  Did you know that the average grocery store has only 2-3 days of food in reserve?  What is your plan if the food delivery trucks don't arrive at the grocery store?  Stocking up just before an impending storm usually results in bare shelves and plenty of news reports about the bare shelves!  Who wants to be shopping with everyone else, thinking their frozen pizza, jar of peanut butter and gallon of milk will supply their family for a week?  (After our power was out, it did make me chuckle to think of all the frozen pizzas I saw being purchased.)

WHAT IF our water became unsafe for use?  Do I have the means or know-how to make the water safe?

WHAT IF some futuristic-like, funky techie disaster happened and the Internet went down?  Not a power outage that kills your modem, but an actual “my smart phone doesn’t work!” scenario.  We’d be email-less! Facebook-less!  Twitter-less!  YouTube-less!  In other words: life-less, use-less and hope-less.  Take comfort—we’d be full of pathetic-ness!

It may seem this blog post is supremely depressing and pessimistic.  (I’m still reeling from the possibility of coffee shops being closed for long stretches of time!)  However, I think it’s good to give thought and consideration to these questions and countless others like it.  It is reality that “stuff” will happen.  Just watch the news—severe weather, natural disaster, economic distress.  During Chicago’s 2011 snowstorm (AKA Snoprah, Snowmageddon, Snowpocalypse, SnOMG), I am certain that many of the stranded motorists thought they’d “never” get stuck in their car, on a freeway for over twelve hours.

View the “What If?” game like insurance or a warranty.  Most everyone has insurance for their car, health, house and life and warranties on their washing machine, car, ear buds, etc.  (Yep, my teen son has a two-year, full-coverage warranty on his ear buds, and it set him back a total of $5 for the two years.)  With insurance and warranties, you hope to never need to make a claim or use them in any way.  But, when the day comes you thought “would never happen,” aren’t you grateful for the coverage?  (Like when the right ear bud quit working and it was replaced!)  No one mocks having car and health insurance as being over the top and fanatical, so don’t be afraid to think about these “What If?” game questions.

By taking the first steps of thinking about and discussing a workable plan for a potential disaster*, you will be a bit more prepared to use your time on action and not emotion.  (* “unfortunate incident” may be used to sound less threatening.  Use whatever language makes you feel less like a back woods survivalist freak.)  

I know a lot has been said about “preparedness” and there are many survival books, readiness blogs and seminars…some great and some way over the top.  To go from “I have one jar of peanut butter” to “I’m stocked with 27 gallons of peanut butter” is a huge jump.  (And NOT one I’m recommending you take!)  (Unless you really have a thing for peanut butter.)  It cannot hurt to open your mind to some possibilities and solutions.  In the midst of a flood, power outage or earthquake is NOT the time to start thinking about “What if…..”  A good teacher doesn’t walk into the classroom and start lesson planning after the students are in their seats.  I am certain that I would rather be over-prepared than under-prepared!

To get some sane answers to some of the “What If?” game questions, I would recommend the following resources:

• www.ready.gov   Here you can access common sense check lists, each state’s readiness website, as well as links to ReadyKids, which is designed just for children.
• http://www.sesamestreet.org/ready  Um…if Seasame Street is getting involved, I think it’s VERY reasonable that you should too.
• http://www.thepreproom.net  Be sure to check out this site, especially the blog portion where you will find very interesting news items and commentary.  I would HIGHLY recommend the book Just In Case, which is sold on this site, as a great beginning tool.  If you “like” The Prep Room on FaceBook. you will receive a discount when buying anything from their site! http://www.facebook.com/ThePrepRoom
• Another great resource to get you asking more “What If” questions is to watch History Channel’s “After Armageddon” on YouTube.  The show is divided into segments, so be sure to watch them in order.  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8r97xoSOEjM

There is so much more to be said on this topic and it could easily become a three-part post!  Leave a comment if you would find more articles on this topic helpful.  The bottom line is that we all need to start somewhere, and I’d suggest you start by playing the “What If?” game to get the conversation going!  And with the rate of “unfortunate incidences” I’m seeing on the news, I wouldn’t wait to start.

For me, I’m still working on, “What if I didn’t get my morning coffee?”  (And hoping the answer is less dramatic than “Armageddon” or “apocalypse.”)

And The Category Is.....

Recently, wisdom had me keep my mouth shut in a situation where my initial thoughts were ones of being dumbfounded, then ticked.  I simmered in my astonishment before settling in to hash out my exact feelings on the subject.  Although this letter will never make it to the guy who left me speechless, I sure feel better after getting this down on paper.

Dear Screener Man for XYZ Research Company,

Yesterday, you and I spoke for a few minutes regarding an upcoming research study for which you were screening me.  I thought our conversation started pleasantly enough, and I was excited to see if I qualified for the good-paying study group that was being put together for moms.

After verifying my name, age, children’s ages and other demographic information, you asked if I was “employed, unemployed or retired.” Upon realizing there were no other categories from which to choose, I said, “Well then, I guess I’d be considered unemployed.”  While I kept my voice happy and cheerful, I was already bristling on the inside. Really?  My life is now limited to three categories?  You said, “Ok, so you’re not working” to which I replied, “Well, I’m a homemaker and unsure how to define when I’m NOT working!”  As if your comment about me not working wasn’t enough, you then said, “Oh, I’m really sorry to hear that.  I’m sure it’s not what you want and I hope that changes soon for you.”

ARE YOU SERIOUS?!?!

Actually, it IS my choice to stay home and I do not wish it to change! As a matter of fact, I have been homeschooling my kids for the past eleven years, which takes an astonishing amount of time.  I am sure you are familiar with the quips that state some version of: “I am a nurse, a chauffeur, a social worker, a tutor, a psychologist, an organizer, on-call 24 hours a day” etc. with the bottom line being, “I am a mom.”

Whether or not I am working outside the home, please do not ever say that I am not working.  EVERY mom is a working mom!  

Earlier in our conversation, we had established the fact that I have three children.  Exactly where do you think they would be in life were it not for my very hard work?  And, when I chose to stay home, please do not belittle my choice, feel sorry for me or wish me out of my current situation.

There are many women who have to work, but wish they were home, and there are women who are home, but wish they were working. And, there are many, many women who work their tails off to be able to stay home.  I am one of the work-my-tail-off, stay-at-home moms.

For your own job security, I would highly recommend that you are more careful in your choice of words and guarded in your assumptions.  My own mom (an “unemployed” mom who “didn’t work”) taught me an easy reminder about being careful when we are tempted to ASSUME something.  It makes an ASS of U and ME.

And as a side note, it did not help matters that I did not qualify for your study on “food packaging geared towards kids” because I homeschool my children.  If only they were “in real school, it would have worked out” even though the focus group was for me.  It would seem your company assumes that homeschooled kids have no opinions or social life and don’t want/beg for the kid-dazzling food products and packaging.  Interesting.

Good luck in your recruiting efforts.  You may need it more than you think.

Sincerely,
A non-working mom

Thoughtful Tips For Your Next Water Park Visit

My friend and I recently took our (homeschooled) kids on a little road trip to an indoor water park in the Wisconsin Dells.  After spending a couple days there, I had a few revelations.  So, I jotted down a few pointers that may be helpful to the future thoughtful water park attendee.

If He’s In The Women’s Bathroom and Texting While Waiting For Mom/Sister/Grandma/Aunt, He’s Probably Old Enough To Wait Outside
I know there’s that age where you have to bring your boys into the ladies’ bathroom, but at some point, it’s just not right.  And, if he really is only 6 years old and just looks old for his age and just looks like he needs to shave (again), for Pete’s sake, PLEASE just put the cell phone away while waiting.  And perhaps you shouldn’t stand so close to the shower area ‘cause it’s getting kinda weird.

Nix The Thong
Yes, you’re a mom of two and still super hot, but we are at an indoor family water park in February, not in Florida on spring break.  The wave pool is making it hard for the average woman and girl to keep her LL Bean tankini on her body in a semi-modest way.  Do you have any idea what is happening to your itty bitty thong bikini?

Buy A Bigger Swimsuit
It is wonderful that all shapes and sizes can have fun at a water park and move around in the water.   But there comes a day when one needs to accept the fact that a larger swimsuit (or swim trunks) is needed.  Unless you really are comfortable in a one-piece suit that wasn’t meant to be a thong, but is currently a thong.  But watching you dig to excavate your swimsuit leads me to think you didn’t want the thong look.  Or feel.  I am confident there are swimsuits made for the larger body.  Trust me, I KNOW they exist.  When we can see more of you than a baby sees when nursing…well, let’s just say the look on the guys’ faces isn’t one of admiration.  Especially since you’re pushing retirement.

And while we’re on the topic of swimsuits – letting your little boy swim in his underpants isn’t cool.  And really, dude…white swim trunks?

Um, You’re Gonna Get Wet
This is a water park.  There is water being shot, sprayed, splashed and otherwise flung everywhere.  To screech and jump back like someone has just thrown fire ants at you seems a bit excessive.  I understand that you’re holding your smart phone so you can text, update FaceBook and Twitter, but ***NEWSFLASH*** you came to a water park and it’s safe to assume there’s gonna be water.  Everywhere.  Possibly when you don’t expect it.  Like when the little grizzly bear statue thing randomly spits out water.  (Gotta admit that one surprised me too.)  Another thing: it’s gonna be slippery.  So, be careful when you screech and try to jump away from the water.  Either that, or wait until I have my video camera up and running because I could really use the $10,000 prize money.

Wear Footwear In The Bathroom (PLEASE!)
I admit that I am more germaphobic than your average woman, but did no one else think that barefoot in the bathroom is just gross?  It’s a bathroom, people.  Little boys are missing their porcelain target, and then you’re stepping in it!  There was one bathroom that emitted such offensive odors, my friend chose to wait a bit longer before entering.  And yet, barefoot people entered and exited!  I found myself watching all barefooted potty goers in the same way I watch (for about 3.4 seconds) someone eat their boogers.  We all agree that’s gross behavior!  How about naked feet on a public bathroom floor?  Perhaps this is why the pools have enough chlorine to melt off the first layer of skin.

And now for some thank you’s….
To all the folks whose body art we observed, we thank you for the endless entertainment of trying to decipher the meaning of your various tattoos.  (I am still fascinated by the “Pooh Bear” sprawled across one man’s back in what looked like five year old penmanship.)  We moved on from admiring and interpreting your body murals to guesstimating the cost of all your inkwork.  I do believe one young couple could have put my eldest through college with what they must have spent on tatts and piercings.  (Except the Pooh Bear tattoo…hope that one was on the house.)

And, I will NEVER AGAIN make fun of men who shave or wax their backs.  We all thank you.

Oh The Glamor Of It All!

I know the principal behind Colossians 3:23, “Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men” and I even have the verse memorized.  What I don’t always get is how does this look in real, everyday mom life?  Like when the two-year-old is throwing up on me after missing the bucket—for the 4th time today?!

It was probably one of my more pathetic mommy days up to that point, and although I’ve had a few doozies since, it still stands strong in my memory...especially considering the kids are now all pre-teens/teens!  It was Day One of my diet and it was my first ever attempt at dieting.  I had (finally) decided to take off the baby weight now that the baby was almost two years old.  OK—actually, it was to take off the pre-baby twenty pounds plus the twenty pounds of baby weight.  There’s a general understanding and even sympathy for the “freshman fifteen” but why not the “newlywed nineteen”?!

When the day started with the 20-month-old throwing up, it was rather easy to be on a diet.  Who wants to eat—who has time to eat—when you’re on bucket patrol?  However, within a few hours some super pathetic, poor-me thinking took place, and I started to get really jealous of my husband.  “No one is throwing up on him. He can actually close the door when he goes to the bathroom. Heck, he has time to go to the bathroom. I bet he’s sitting on an actual chair not kneeling on the floor with a bucket under someone.”  Once I remembered that I didn’t have to wear nylons OR shoes to do my job, (or even leave the house for that matter), I got over my mental hissy fit and settled in for the glamorous part of mommy-hood.

After an Arthur-bucket-change-The-Big-Comfy-Couch-bucket-change-bucket-change-Veggie-Tales-video-bucket-change morning (you get the idea), I decided that I really needed to eat, as did my four-year-old son.  (Who I was afraid to feed, figuring he would eventually get sick too.)  Once the hoarky kid fell asleep on the towel and sheet draped sofa, I made (and really enjoyed) my healthy lunch…stir-fry veggies with leftover strip steak.  And although I was tempted, I didn’t finger wipe/lick the big glob of peanut butter that was “leftover” on the knife after making my son’s peanut butter and jelly sandwich.  One time, I figured that approximately one-fourth of each peanut butter jar was probably eaten by my effort to clean the generous glob of peanut butter that I had conveniently “leftover" on the knife.

By mid-afternoon, the little guy was starting to hold his own and perk up a bit and he actually asked for his sippie cup.  After allowing him half a sip while over the bucket, I relaxed a bit, eventually allowing two sips in a row.  By late afternoon, I stopped fearing every move he made, and I even ran to the basement to switch the laundry.  (A daring, but necessary feat during this time.)  The calm got sucked right out of me as soon as I came back upstairs from the laundry room and saw the four year old waiting for me.  He uttered the words, “Mom, I think I’m…..”  I yelled for him to run into the bathroom and aim for the toilet, and I followed him.  Except that I didn’t get very far.  And, I wasn’t on my feet.

You know how little boys have LOTS of play cars?  And you know how the house goes to pot when the kids are sick?  I either stepped on or tripped on (or both) a pile of cars, and I went down in a heap.  A big heap.  Of course the thought “Less of me would have gone down had I started this stupid diet sooner” entered my head before pain in my ankle took over all thinking.  My right ankle.  My driving ankle.  My driving-to-see-other-people-who-speak-like-adults-and-don’t-wet-the-bed ankle!!  I half laid, half sat there and started to cry as I watched my son throwing up in the bathroom, IN the toilet, thank goodness.  The 20-month-old remained glued to the TV, unaware of anything else happening except what was on the screen.  He had just seen more TV that day than in his entire life previously.  (Note to self: will need to establish strong restrictions on TV viewing for this child.)  The glamorous, fun part of motherhood was nearly overwhelming as I considered my options.  Call the nanny on her day off?  Climb into bed and pretend none of this was happening?

I called my mom.  I was crying.  I was worse than the kids--combined--on a bad day.  My mom should have been a crisis counselor.  Mom had an immediate plan, and my only job was to call my husband and kindly ask him to come home.  Mom was on her way over, too.  I had enough sense to gather myself together and get a grip as I waited for the reinforcements to arrive.  Somehow, I got my rapidly swelling ankle elevated and then proceeded to lavish praise on the four-year-old for making it into the bathroom.  He now had full control of the throw up bucket and joined his glassy-eyed younger brother, who I knew was sitting far too close to the TV screen.  I kinda figured (hoped?) it wouldn’t be doing permanent eyeball damage, no matter what my grandma had said.  My husband came home and looked so calm and collected and he smelled good—very non-throw-upy.  Mom arrived about the same time, looking and smelling as good as my husband.  It was then that I decided to change into a clean shirt and brush my hair before mom drove me to the emergency room.

We arrived at the ER, I eventually got settled in and was given painkillers.  The ankle x-ray was next, and I’ve yet to understand the gymnastics one goes through to make the technician happy with “the picture.”  I’m thinking, “My kids are at home throwing up, it’s the first day of my lousy diet, I changed into better clothes to go to the emergency room for crying out loud and you want me to bend my injured ankle HOW?”

Eventually, the very kind and patient ER doctor came back to my curtained enclosure and gave me the happy news that my ankle was not broken, just badly bruised and sprained.  His next less comforting words were about needing crutches and about sprains hurting as much as breaks and about sprains possibly taking as long to heal as breaks and about taking it easy and staying off my feet, blah, blah, blah.  (Seriously, why do doctors tell moms to “take it easy” or “stay off your feet” or “be sure to get extra rest”?!  Except for imminent danger or death, moms don’t stay off their feet or just take it easy!!)

The nurse who was in my curtained area was watching me, and she saw my face blanche.  She laid the bed all the way back, and both she and the doctor asked if the pain was making me nauseous.  I shook my head NO, then leaned over the side of the bed (praying for a garbage can) and threw up….partly hitting my new, clean shirt.  Lovely.  I had to reassure them that getting sick wasn’t due to pain, but I was, in fact, the third vomit victim in my family since earlier in the day.  The doctor discharged me with crutches after my mom assured him that someone would be there to make sure I truly did rest and elevate my foot…with a bucket in my lap.

I had a few thoughts on that pathetically fateful first day of my diet.  “Working with all your heart as for the Lord” means just that—my work for His glory.  My work looks very different than my husband’s work and probably very different from your work.

God doesn’t categorize and assign importance to “work.”  He just says “do it” and “do it for Me!“  

While in a mental pity-party, I can think I have a thankless, tiring job.  The reality is that some days, I do!  And, some days, I don’t.  It doesn’t matter…..the command to “do your job for Me” does not change.  Ecclesiastes 7:14 says that good times and bad times are both made by God...He’s not surprised by either.  That day in my life—while I can laugh about it now—was not exactly under my control.  I often ask myself if I am submitting to and trusting in God’s hand of control and plan for me, even on the icky days.  (Which in the grand scheme of things is really, really tame and lame compared to what many women deal with in their lives.)  How’s my attitude toward my current “work” and with what frame of mind am I doing it?

I also had the thought to get an equal number of throw up buckets as kids.  We now have three.  (Throw up bucket/kid combos.)  I also had the thought that getting the stomach flu can jump start a diet by 6.2 pounds, so it really wasn't ALL bad.

I'm Not Gonna Call

Eight weeks ago, I had what was considered major abdominal surgery.  The surgery went well, but recovery has been frustrating because I’m not one to lie low for long.  It has been during this recovery period that I have realized something about the phrase, “Call me if you need anything.”  I don’t call.

This isn’t meant to offend anyone as I have VERY FREQUENTLY said the same phrase to many, many friends….be sure to call if you need anything.  Guess what?  No one has ever called me!  Am I surprised?  (Relieved?)  It makes me feel good to offer help; it’s like I’m doing what a good friend should do.  But really, what am I actually doing?  There may be a handful of people who actually call when they need help, but I am not one of them and it would seem my friends aren’t either.  Honestly, I’m not going to call someone and say, “Remember when you offered to help?  Can you scrub my tub?  De-clutter my counter?  Make the kids practice the piano?  Change the sheets on all the beds?  Get the oil changed on the minivan?”  Post-surgery, there were a number of little things that needed to be done, and it bugged me that I couldn’t do anything about them as I was confined to the sofa and flying high on pain meds.

[Ok, in the name of full disclosure, there have been some emergency situations where I have HAD to call people.  Like the time I took my daughter to the emergency room and needed someone to pick up my son from another location.  Or, two weeks post-surgery when I had a friend drive me to the store so I could buy elastic waist stretchy pants as all the abdominal swelling caught me by surprise.  In a desire to make sure I had pants, I think anyone would have taken me on that errand!]

Because I have a husband and three children who are not toddlers, my thinking was, “I’m not calling someone else when there are four able-bodied people who live here.”  However, there were extra circumstances in the few weeks before my surgery that deeply affected our family.  Our eldest son lost his friend in a tragic drowning accident when all the high school youth group boys were away on a missions trip.  A week after the funeral, my nine-year-old daughter fell and badly broke her arm, requiring surgery to have titanium rods inserted into both forearm bones.  She ended up in a fingertips-to-armpit cast.  Throw in my surgery and a four-day hospitalization and it was a stress filled month, with lots of tears shed.

During this time, the acts of kindness and love showered on our family were overwhelming and humbling!  Our friends and family jumped into action, taking care of our whole family.

It was the many gestures of care that fully opened my eyes to the fact that while offering help is nice, doing something specific is the way to go.

This is by no means a complete list, but here are some ideas of how to reach out to someone in need.  All these acts of love were extended to us, but if I included every single one, you would be reading for a couple hours!  (And, to list all that my mom did to keep our home, our family and home schooling up and running when I was not….it would take a book!)

SHARE RESOURCES: Some friends with extra Cubs tickets gave them to our son so he and my husband could enjoy a night out.  It was a prefect break from all the tear-filled days and nights our son had been going through after burying his friend.  It did not erase what happened, but it was a temporary break.  And who doesn’t need a little break from the day-to-day reality of sadness and loss?  It is the little breaks that keep us going and give us hope that we can smile again.  Knowing that music is my son’s “language” another friend made him a CD of music.  She also wrote a letter explaining why she included each song, and what messages of hope and promise were to be found.

Think of what you can do to minister to a friend in need and go for it!  Have you read an encouraging book with a message that could help a friend?  Buy it for her!  I had one friend who knew of my “swelly belly” woes and the next week, she delivered a pair of her super comfy pj’s for me to borrow.

MEAL PLANNING: A dear friend set up a meal schedule where our dinners were provided, three times a week for the first six weeks of my recovery!  My husband was so appreciative in knowing the responsibility of making dinner was very frequently removed from his plate.  (I was comforted in knowing the kids were eating more than chicken nuggets or hotdogs every night!)  Many people like to provide meals, but to have someone spearhead and organize all the meals is invaluable.  Two easy resources to use are www.mealbaby.com and www.mealtrain.com.

Even if you don’t cook, or don’t have time to cook, you can still help!  We had two friends bless us with restaurant gift cards and two other friends delivered big, ready-to-cook meals from Costco!

FLOWERS: This one seems so obvious, but how many times have you actually brought flowers to a friend who didn’t have a baby?  My mother-in-law had flowers delivered to my daughter by a florist, a HUGE “first” for a little girl.  Family and friends also brought flowers, and she was so proud of them that she insisted on taking pictures of each arrangement.  I also had flowers brought to me a few times and you can’t help but smile and be cheered by a beautiful floral bouquet!

Flowers are easy – every grocery store has a selection.  Go seasonal and get a basket of mums.  Or an evergreen centerpiece.  Or an Easter lily.  Flowers are a guaranteed smile generator!

DO WHAT THEY LOVE: People who know me know that I have a thing for coffee.  An all out love affair might be a more accurate description.  Not once, not twice, but TEN times during recovery, friends stopped by to deliver some form of hot coffee.  Talk about feeling the love!  By general standards, it was a simple gesture, but it meant the world to me.  I knew there was thought and love poured into each cup of coffee!  My daughter received the same thoughtful “deliveries” during her broken arm/surgery.  Friends stopped by with things that make a kid smile: a fruit smoothie, new stuffed animals, silly bands, balloons, games, favorite candy, pens for signing the cast, a gift card to her favorite coffee shop.  She remained in constant awe of the on going out pouring of care.

Whether a $1 or $20 gift, the result was the same – a huge smile and the feeling of being loved.  Think of a friend who needs to feel some care and support…what does he/she love?  Then, do it!  A bakery muffin?  Hot chocolate?  A new release book to read during a time of recovery?  A scented candle?

GET CREATIVE: It’s been firmly established that I have amazing friends and their wonderful creativity should be copied!  Friends brought cooking magazines for me to peruse, hand lotion and lip balm to ward off the dry air in the hospital, a favorite box of tea, a pad of sticky notes to jot down the things I needed to remember for later…the list goes on!  One friend stopped by with a grocery bag full of fruits and veggies, and we were all thrilled to find Honeycrisp apples in the bag!  Another friend went to a used book sale and got some travel books about my dream destination for me to enjoy.  An autumn-themed cookie bouquet was delivered to the house.  (A wonderful alternative to flowers for anyone with hay fever or flower allergies.)

Aren’t these creative and very do-able ideas?  It takes some extra thought, but your friends are worth it!  A decade ago, just days before having another baby, a friend came over to give me a pedicure!  I would NEVER have called and ask that a friend give me a pedicure, but I didn’t refuse it when she and said, “I’m coming over to do this as my gift to you.”  When a great idea pops into your head, either do it right away, or write it down so you don’t forget.

MAKE SPECIFIC OFFERS: If you are unsure how to help a friend in need, suggest some specific ideas to him/her and see where it leads.  Place yourself in their shoes and imagine what would be helpful.  A number of times, I had various friends call and say, “I’m at the grocery store right now.  What can I pick up for you?”  We usually needed something, and they were more than happy to pick up milk, bread, cheese or eggs.  A few times when different friends stopped over for a visit, they would ask if any one of the kids needed to be driven anywhere, as I was still restricted from driving and my husband was not home.  I took them up on the various offers to drive the kids to school for evening choir rehearsal or work or youth group or baseball practice.  I had a couple crazy friends come to visit who insisted on washing some dishes and cleaning the counters while I sat and we chatted.

When you’re out and about running errands, think of how you can double up your efforts to help a friend.  Running to the post office?  Ask if any packages need to be mailed or stamps purchased.  Going to the library?  Offer to return their books.  Will you be at the grocery store?  Ask if they want a movie from the rental kiosk.  When you are taking your garbage cans to the curb and back again, grab your neighbor’s and do the same.  If you look for ways to be helpful, you WILL find them!

(As a side note: If you think it will be an added stress to your friend to appear unannounced at her door with flowers, coffee, a bag of groceries, etc., just say, “I can’t come in, but I just wanted you to know we care.”  Receiving the message of being loved is never stressful!)

Although this seems to be an over-used phrase in this blog, please do not under estimate the power of thoughtful care in the smallest gesture!!!  After the past couple months, I know that I will be offering help to others in very specific ways.  If you have kids, just think of the example you are setting as you strive to teach them to be “other” focused.  Enlist their help and your efforts have just doubled themselves!

It is unrealistic to assume we can do everything for everyone in need.  Sometimes there are time and distance restraints.  (This is when email and snail mail works the best.)  But, do what you can, for who you can, when you are able.  Proactively look for ways to bless others.  Let God use you to be a light of encouragement and a source of generosity to those He has placed in your life.  And, generosity isn’t limited to giving money…it is the giving of YOURSELF, in some way, to love on another.

As Time Goes By

Nope, I have not forgotten about this blog! I've written new things and have jotted many notes for new ideas. But life has thrown us some unexpected curve balls...the kind that can temporarily disable the routine of life, and all effort is put into maintaining ANY semblance of normalcy.

So give me another week or two and I hope to be back in the saddle! I've missed this. But it got ratcheted down a few notches. And to dispel any worry, my family and I are okay and will be okay.