Saturday, September 3, 2011

Because I'm Not Your Friend


Although this may never be scientifically proven, I sincerely doubt that I am “irreversibly ruining your life” with the way I mother you.  Despite being old and decrepit and out of touch, I still have a few working brain cells and I am using them to parent you.  I would say, “I’m sorry” about all the ways I have deprived you, but I’m really not sorry at all.

I am your mother, not your friend.

While “everyone else” has unlimited, 24-hour a day access to the internet, cable, their mp3 player, and internet cell phone, I have cruelly set limits on your tech time.  I even ask that you talk to me beyond ur txts 2 me asking wats 4 dinnr.  You’re not going to freak out, lose it or hyperventilate because you can’t have your mini-speakers shoved into your ear holes when we’re in the car driving from point A to B to C.  Look around, notice your environment, and talk with dear old mom.  I’ll turn up my hearing aide and pop in my dentures so I can hear you AND respond.  And while I agree that YouTube is incredibly entertaining, there is more to life than bitten fingers, sneezing pandas, unicorns and various dance moves.  Actual, real, living people are all around us….I see living people.  Meet them.  Chat.  Develop new friendships with all people of all ages.  Yes, I am seriously old-fashioned that way.

Because I am your mother, not your friend.

I should probably also confess that my anti “hanging out” views are not newly developed opinions, created to ruin your free time.  When you were a baby and the stroller and I had to dodge throngs of teens just “hanging out” at the mall or in town, I CLEARLY remember resolving to squash the hang out habit.  If you have a shopping list, money and a goal, then by all means – enjoy the mall.  But, you and eleven of your closest friends needing a whole afternoon to procure some flip flops…uh…NO.  If you’re going into town for a movie or a burrito, I’m all for that.  Wanna meet up to eat pizza and play wiffle ball?  Great!  But, just loitering while penniless in a group of teens is not cool, no matter how awesome you think you all look.  The Second Law of Thermodynamics is a constant, so have an organized purpose.

Because I am your mother, not your friend.

Speaking of penniless – I probably won’t be changing my mind about your “financial freedom.”  Dad and I aren’t holding you accountable for the usage of your money because we are power-hungry control freaks.  We are doing you a favor for your future as an adult by training you now in healthy financial habits.  Trust me on this one.  Giving away and saving portions of your funds are healthy practices.  Learning to plan and save for big ticket items instead of impulse buying will serve you well in the future.  The sooner you learn you can’t have it all, the better.  Appreciate what you have.  Learn contentment.  You’re not gonna have the latest and greatest and I’m okay with that.

Because I’m your mother, not your friend.

And, about my multiple “interrogations” about your life...no, I am not practicing my skills for the FBI, CIA or a future as a PI.  I birthed you (future counseling already anticipated for this realization), you live with me and I’m responsible for you, for many years to come.  You can bet your butt I want to know your friends.  I actually care about your school day and “fine” is not an acceptable adjective to describe a 7 ½ hour day.  Remember the game we started playing when you were in preschool?  Every day when I was making dinner, I’d ask for you to tell me the best part of your day and the worst part of your day?  Notice how I still play that game with you on a regular basis?  Come on…play along!

Because I’m your mother, not your friend.

So you see, I’m not hurt or concerned that you think I am terribly old-fashioned and pathetically uncool.  Truly, I do not want to embarrass you.  But you need to know that I am not afraid of you and your displeasure in me.  I am not trying to earn your approval.  I know I’ll never be given the “cool, fun, awesome” award.  Heck, I may even win the "Meanest Mom" award.  (I clearly remember your grandma winning that award when I was living at home.  Huh.)  I’m not going to fix every hard knock in your life or rush out to counter-balance your every disappointment.

Because I’m your mother, not your friend.

And, if I do this mom thing right, someday I’ll say, “Because I’m your mother and your friend.”

4 comments:

  1. Timing couldn't have been MORE perfect to read this!

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  2. Kathryn, I don't think I've ever read a better "Mom to teen" letter. Am I being a Mother AND a friend to make my kids read this? Or just a Mother, lol....

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  3. I still enjoy re-reading (probably about the 5th time now in 2 months) this when I'm proudly being a "Mean Mom." If only all mothers had the courage and heart to be a Mom and NOT a friend. Please blog more often. Your writing it thoughtful, relevant and it never fails to hit home.

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